I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
