How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
