Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
