I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
