You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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