I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
