What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
