it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
