Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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