You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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