Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
