I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
