Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
