uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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