You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
