Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
