My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
