It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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