There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
