He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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