Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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