if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
