The maid of honor just puked.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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