I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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