Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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