This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i drank out of a bidet.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
