I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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