I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
