If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
