her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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