proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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