Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
