currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
