VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.