Dude i fell asleep inside of her
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.