He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month