he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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I just found puke in my bra..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?