Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.