I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...