mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god