Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?