sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
