Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
