I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
