In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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