I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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