i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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