laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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