he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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