i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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