I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Houston, we have a blender
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
