it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
