He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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