The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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