u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
porn star boner night. come get it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
