you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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