I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
