I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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