I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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