i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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