I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The power of my boobs compel you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
