guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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