You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
