I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
