I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
