My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
