I accidentally had phone sex last night
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
