If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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