During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
