I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
